dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
