shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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