i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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