Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
