And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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