i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think my vagina is haunted
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
