you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize