I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
