I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
