fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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