fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
