True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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