I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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