I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
