Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
