don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
