TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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