some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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