Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
