I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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