just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Randomize
