Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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