I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
