i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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