I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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