Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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