if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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