I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
