areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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