you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I smell stomach acid.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
