i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
