I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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