And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
