I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
