ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
