the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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