I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
