the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
