Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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