the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
