All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
