i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
