she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
