I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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