I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
