was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
