She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
