just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
