Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
