??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
