hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize