Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
