I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
