I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
