dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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