You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
