Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
