dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
