I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
