You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
