She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
