Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
