So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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