I haven't been this sober since birth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
