I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize