I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You're like the curious george of whores
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
