The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's just like the Real World with babies
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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