Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
