i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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