hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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