Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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