chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
