I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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