so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Less talking, more tequila
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
