Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
