lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
