i permit you to call me
that's an acceptable place to lick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
