what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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