If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
